‘Time for Some Hunger Problems in Princeton’: Princetonian Spoofs Bridgegate Scandal

Late last week, The Daily Princetonian slapped embattled New Jersey governor Chris Christie onto the front page of its most recent joke issue. The related piece remains the most viewed story on the Princetonian website.

Referencing Christie’s current traffic jam imbroglio, the Princeton University student newspaper put together a satirical package claiming the GOP heavyweight purposefully blocked students from eating at a local sandwich shop — by standing near the entrance himself in all his girth and chowing down food.

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According to the paper, “Witnesses who begged Christie to move aside from the entrance for 10 minutes said that during that time, he ate three full Dirty Sanchezes, two Body Bags and one Phat Lady, and was yelling at the counter ordering more. … Emails between Christie’s top aides and Hoagie Haven’s owners obtained by The Daily Princetonian indicated that this was, in fact, exactly what Christie was trying to do. The plan to deprive Princeton students of their drunchies was conceived by Christie’s staff to retaliate against the Princeton community for its overwhelming support of unsuccessful democratic challenger Barbara Buono in the Nov. 4, 2013 gubernatorial election.”

The most damning email message involved in the whole shebang (as invented by the Princetonian):

“Time for some hunger problems in Princeton.”

The Princetonian’s top-notch tomfoolery extended to one other newsmaker — the truth-telling Princeton alumnae Susan Patton. As I previously posted, last March the paper published a letter to the editor penned by Patton urging female students at the school to “[f]ind a husband on campus before you graduate.” The letter inspired a bevy of snarky and intense putdowns in the press – and tons of online comments – from those who found it generationally out of touch, socially elitist or anti-feminist. It also led to a book deal for Patton.

In its joke issue, the Princetonian spoofs the news of that deal, pretending a top Princeton administrator is requiring next year’s freshman class to read the book. Why should they? According to the admin: “This is their last chance to land a man and create generations of future donors. Miss it, and they’ll become the next generation of those leaning-in, man-hating harpies who make their intellectually inferior husbands be the primary caretaker of their bratty children.”

On the paper’s website, the headline of the Patton piece sports an asterisk. The note attached to a separate asterisk near the bottom of the page shares:Just in case you’re a reporter for The Daily Caller looking to dig up dirt, please note that this article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Use discretion before citing.”

More fun and games? Nope. Believe it or not, the note is actually connected to a somewhat serious, cringe-worthy error made recently by a Daily Caller staffer. Near the start of the year, a dude named Charles Johnson blasted out a rather explosive DC story that said a high-profile New York Times reporter had been fond of posing nude and streaking during his Princeton days more than two decades ago.

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The problem? Johnson’s source was an article in a 1990 Princetonian joke issue.

(Awkward silence)

Ooops.

P.S. According to my meticulous research, if you order a Phat Lady at Hoagie Haven in Princeton, N.J., you will receive a cheese steak with mozzarella sticks and fries. Meanwhile, a Sanchez is a chicken cutlet with American cheese, mozzarella sticks, fries and something called Sanchez Sauce. And a Body Bag is an Italian hoagie with provolone, a cheese steak, hash browns, eggs, ketchup or hot sauce.

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