Journalism Student Reports College Officials May Be Disguised as Werewolves

A journalism student at a New Jersey college recently filed a hard news story claiming the “college’s administrators may be werewolves.” As the professor and student media adviser who received the article as a class assignment confirms, “It would have been pure genius, if it had been satire.”

Alas, it was not. Instead, it is eyebrow-raising, head-scratching, giggle-inducing, what-does-the-Fox-say-level strange. A snippet of the as-yet-unpublished report, with the name of the college withheld and the names of the quoted students changed:

“According to 2nd year education student [John Smith], there are werewolves [at the college] … ‘I’ve seen them!’

Smith had just finished a paper in the [college] library because he does not have a computer at his home. ‘I didn’t feel like going home, so I sat down on a bench and lost track of time, but then I heard a noise,’ he recounted.

From the shadows beside the student center, Smith saw a large silhouette with glowing blue eyes. ‘I heard a werewolf noise,’ Smith said before emulating a howl. ‘I said ‘F*ck this’ and started running as fast as I could, and it was chasing me! When I got into my truck I saw the beast leap 20 feet in the air and land on top of a car and smashed it into pieces.’

It has been centuries since the last widespread werewolf sightings in 1770, when the Beast of Gévaudan killed between 60 and 100 people in the eponymously named province in France. On Friday September 20th, Smith had his encounter and the revelation has elicited shock in some [college] students.

‘It’s 2013, why are there werewolves running around again? It’s crazy,’ [Sam Stephens], a second year student in business administration said while shaking his head. …

In a poll taken of 30 [college] students, 30 percent of students said they believed it was possible that members of the administration and staff are actually werewolves in disguise, 23 percent said it was probable, and 33 percent believe it is definite. Only 14 percent answered that it was impossible or unlikely.”

According to the professor, the student reporter was ultimately not happy with the grade he received for the assignment, threatening at one point to take his concerns to a college dean.

The professor’s response: “Well, you can do that. But bear in mind … he IS an administrator.”

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