Funny Student Press Headline #23: ‘Everyone Needs to Calm Down’

University of Texas at Arlington senior Kyle Lighty wants everyone to relax a little — even in the face of rising trouble and strife — and focus on the positives. He recently wrote a guest op-ed for The Shorthorn, UT-Arlington’s student newspaper, headlined simply and directly “Everyone Needs to Calm Down.” 

As Lighty contends, “Things haven’t been exactly puppy kisses and rainbows in America lately. Being college students, our rising student loan debt and shrinking job market might make things seem less than good. To top things off, the U.S. might be going to war with Syria, Congress continues to make controversial decisions regarding higher education and health care and, quite frankly, a grande mocha frappuccino costing $4.25 is ridiculous. … However, then I think about all of the good things we have, and I reconsider.”

Among the good things he subsequently lists: “adorable animal viral videos,” Pandora, Spotify, ice cream and clean water.



Funny Student Press Headline #22: ‘Can the Economics Dept Stop Ruining My Life?’

Funny Student Press Headline #21: ‘Go the F*ck to Sleep’

Funny Student Press Headline #20: ‘Going Nuts: Man Arrested for Indecent Exposure at Local Pool’

Funny Student Press Headline #19: ‘Stupid Rules are Stupid’

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