Funny Student Press Headline #21: ‘Go the F*ck to Sleep’

This candid header– playing off the popular faux children’s book— tops an article in The Wesleyan Argus offering advice to freshman who just started this fall at Wesleyan University.

As Argus opinion editor Josh Cohen tells first-year students, “Drink crappy alcohol before you know better. Make your bad decisions, eat your brunch, and move on with your life. Stay up until 5 a.m. doing absolutely nothing. It really does feel fantastic, and nothing can take that moment away from you. But you can’t repeat it forever. Eventually you stop being a freshman and start being just a college student. Your momentum ceases. Your enthusiasm wanes. You get burnt out. And that’s all okay if you let it be okay. Sure, you can power through and feel miserable in the morning. On the other hand, there’s only one surefire way to make yourself feel alive again. I’ve got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep!



Funny Student Press Headline #20: ‘Going Nuts: Man Arrested for Indecent Exposure at Local Pool’

Funny Student Press Headline #19: ‘Stupid Rules are Stupid’

Funny Student Press Headline #18: ‘Why Our Generation Sucks’

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