Funny Student Press Headlines #12: George Washington & (Ahem) Monkeying Around

A pair of student press headlines stood out and made me chuckle during a recent bout of web browsing.  The first sits atop a column in The Daily Reveille at Louisiana State University.  It speaks to the pre-presidency wartime antics of George Washington, whom the student writer John Ford calls both a bad general and Neo from “The Matrix.”  I kid you not.  Fun read.  Funny headline.


To be fair, this headline will surely not receive as much attention as a sports header published late last week.  As displayed below, it summarized an LSU men’s basketball team victory over the South Carolina Gamecocks.


A separate headline that raised my eyebrows, tilted my head, and elicited a laugh at the same time appears in The Daily Californian.  It tops an article on self-gratification that is included in the paper’s recent Sex Issue.


Two facts presented by Jessica Pena in the well-written piece: “In ancient Malta, around the fourth millenium B.C., inhabitants would carve clay figurines of men and women in the act of self-pleasure. In 1879, Mark Twain delivered an entire speech about masturbation (formally called ‘onanism’) in which he parodied the contemporary aversion to the act with the following advice: ‘When you feel a revolutionary uprising in your system, get your Vendome Column down some other way– don’t jerk it down.’”


Student Newspaper Headline Involving Gamecocks: Playful or Sexually Offensive?

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